[ No, wait, this is even more ridiculous than he'd initially considered. ]
... Did you believe that anyone cursed or gifted with immortality shares the name John? This has rather unusual implications for the Pthumerians themselves.
[Luckily the "You're an idiot" tone does fly right over her head. But it doesn't stop her from being offended by the rest of it.]
I was testing a theory! I didn't actually believe it! It just would have been a crazy coincidence if it turned out your name was just as boring as his.
I don't believe in John Jacob JULIAheimer Sodder. That would be super weird.
John Ozpin just seemed possible given the circumstances.
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This was a test.
Some other ancient weirdo came out of the wood work and revealed his name was John.
...And I realized none of your friends call you by your first name. It's always Oz, or Ozpin. Or Professor. Or Professor Ozpin.
Which like fair. You can go by anything you want. And like we're the only ones from home who really know your original name or something.
I just wanted to be sure you weren't hiding that you were like John Ozpin or something from us.
Except you'd probably go by like Johnathon Ozpin if that was the case.
Or Johnathan Ozpinington.
1/2
[ Said in a RESOUNDING tone of You're an idiot. ]
Creative as these theories may be, Ozpin is what I prefer to be called.
2/2
... Did you believe that anyone cursed or gifted with immortality shares the name John? This has rather unusual implications for the Pthumerians themselves.
[ his personal favorite is cynthia john sodder ]
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I was testing a theory! I didn't actually believe it! It just would have been a crazy coincidence if it turned out your name was just as boring as his.
I don't believe in John Jacob JULIAheimer Sodder. That would be super weird.
John Ozpin just seemed possible given the circumstances.
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Well. It seems that this time, at least, we are spared such a coincidence.
But I suppose I appreciate the enthusiasm.